Don't Blink
by Ink-About-It
Summary: "...and even with tears in her eyes, she doesn't blink. She takes you in, scrutinizing and memorizing you. You meet her gaze and you know it might be the last time. So you don't blink either." 18-year old Rizzles say their last good-bye.


**Disclaimer : **Rizzoli & Isles is Tess Gerittsen's baby, adopted by Janet Tamaro and is currently in a serious relationship with Turner Network Television. The English language is pretty much public domain though. I hope.

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**Don't Blink**

* * *

You know as soon as she climbs in through your window.

You know it when she can't meet your eyes at first, and how she doesn't say hello as soon as she does.

You see it in her eyes. You see everything.

She's made up her mind. She's going to do it. Tonight.

For a moment you think you're going to cry, but no tears come. Your heart plummets and breaks and crashes and burns, but your eyes stay dry. You know, but the last embers of hope still linger and you can't make yourself believe it. Even though you know.

You know as you walk straight into her arms and she wraps you in those long, skinny arms she uses to beat her brother at basketball, or to cover him while she takes most of the blows their father deals.

You know from the way she whimpers when you hug her back, that she almost didn't make it this far.

That's when the tears start to flow.

Because you feel selfish for wanting her to change her mind.

You know when instead of shushing you and telling you everything will be alright, that nothing will ever be alright again. You know when she cries along with you, for the very first time since you met her, that you already miss her.

And then she confirms your biggest fear.

She tells you she's running away from home and she's not looking back. But that she wanted to see you one last time.

You cry a little harder. Hold tighter, no longer caring that you might be hurting her. She doesn't seem to care either.

She wanted to see you. You. Of all people. You're both pretty much all the friends each other has, but it still boggles your mind that this magnificent human being can look at you, look at your face, and still call you beautiful like it's the only truth in the world.

She kisses you on the top of your head and you know that she knows. She knows how much you'll miss her. How much you'll need her. And possibly, how you love her.

You pull back to look into her eyes and you see everything.

Yes, she knows that too.

She tucks away the hair you keep down to cover your face, and even with tears in her eyes, she doesn't blink.

She takes you in, scrutinizing and memorizing you. You know no one else who would dare even glance, but not her.

She's so much braver than most and you love her for it.

You meet her gaze and you know it might be the last time.

So you don't blink either.

You want to remember everything so you have something to hold onto on those nights when she would have been there to make sure you were okay, even though she knows you're only ever okay with her.

You want to remember the way her hair falls all over and around her face when she wakes up realizing she must have dozed off next to you. Or how it whips about in the wind when she drives you to nowhere just listening to music, or to swim by that small lake only we know. Or how it sticks to her face when she's sweaty from a long day at the job she dropped out of school for to help support the family who starves her. Or how wet it gets when she's been waiting for you to fall asleep before walking home in the rain. Or how tangled it is when she whines about your lack of gentleness, even though you know she loves it when you run your fingers through her hair sometimes.

She calls your name. Your heart flutters at the sound and you hope you never forget it.

You want to remember the way her voice booms when she's laughing at something silly but the joke flies over your head. Or how it drops to a low rumble when she doesn't want to talk about it, whatever _it_ is. Or how it gets high pitched when she tries to play down the fact that she did something nice for you. But mostly, how firm and unwavering her voice sounds when she tells you that you're the most beautiful soul she's ever met. And that you're the best friend she's ever had.

And that the Red Sox are the best team in the world.

You laugh out of nowhere and the tears fall freely, but you don't blink. You don't dare.

Because she's smiling down at you instead of calling you crazy. And you want to remember that smile she gives only to you. When you're happy. When you're sad. When you're confused or bored. When you're angry, and then you see it, and then you're not angry any more.

You love her for that too.

So you don't blink. No matter what.

Because she's looking into your soul now. Her eyes are dark and lovely, full of emotions you can't even fathom and it feels as though she's reflecting your own thoughts and feelings too. That's just how she is. She just knows.

She's the only one who cares enough to know.

And you know that you're that person for her too.

You reach up and cradle her cheek and she leans into the contact like she's just come home.

But you know she's leaving instead.

She covers your hand with her calloused fingers, and that becomes your homecoming.

For a few moments you both just stand there in the middle of your small bedroom, wishing the world away.

Then she sighs and asks you to close your eyes, but you shake your head because you can't miss anything. She smiles when you tell her as much, but she insists.

You can't say no to her, even though she's the only person who ever gives you the choice. So you do as she asks.

You close your eyes and you still see her, but you _feel_ her more. You feel her wipe your tears away and press her lips to your forehead like she does when your mother blames you for what happened to you, or when the other kids won't stop calling you a freak.

You feel her breath on your face as she dips her head to kiss you on the cheek like she does when you cook her favorite meal while mother isn't around for the weekend. Or after you tend to her wounds when she gets into a fight with those stupid kids or her stupid Dad.

You feel your chest tighten and your heart swell, and you know that your love for her just grew. Even though you were so sure you couldn't love her more.

You bury your face into her chest and breathe in the scent of her musk. Today she smells of sweat, grass and… lavender. You smile because she only wears that perfume for you. You turn your face into her neck to breathe more of her in, but your lips end up brushing her skin. You feel her pulse quicken under your touch, and then you know.

You know why she asked you to close your eyes, but the realization couldn't have come fast enough because now she's kissing your lips.

You clamp your eyes shut and grab fistfuls of the back of her shirt because you're afraid if you open them she might stop, and if you let her go, she might disappear. No, instead you kiss her back with the force of a thousand hearts.

She stays so gentle but slips her tongue between your lips to taste your love. You love her so much that your heart is beating throughout your body.

You even feel the pulse throb between your legs and you have to break away to catch your breath.

You don't open your eyes, just in case, but you feel her breath fan your face and know she feels it too.

_Maur_.

You're not sure if she's calling your name or asking for permission, or both, but you're sure you don't care because whatever she wants, you want it too. If there is any one you would trust enough to have you in any way at all, it's her. And in every way.

Finally you open your eyes and nod your head about a dozen times before you kiss her again.

You're confused when she pulls away to ask you a question with the tilt of her head, but you just beg her not to leave yet. And you tell her you can be quiet, and she smiles because even if you aren't, she's not leaving you like this.

She kisses you while undoing her belt.

You kiss back, unzipping your jeans.

She pulls away to tug her shirt over her head and you do the same with yours, flinging it away. When you almost knock your lamp over, she laughs against your lips and lets you guide her backwards to your bed.

She finds it with the back of her knees and sits on the edge, staring at you. She's the only one who's ever seen all your scars, but you smile because you know you don't disgust her. And because she shows hers to only you.

She removes her bra and pulls you close by your hips, placing an open-mouthed kiss on your stomach, and you're sure she can smell your want. You dig your fingers in her hair and gasp at the sensation of her tongue flicking out against your skin. She runs her hands up and down your sides and a shiver makes your muscles shake.

You look down and marvel at the vision of her mapping a wet trail of worship on your imperfect surface. It makes you think of one of her favorite songs where they sing, '_You make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven for too long_.' No words could be truer in this moment.

You let go of her and when she looks up at you again, you're topless. You fight the urge to cover yourself and she can tell you're nervous, but she doesn't push. She doesn't blink.

She tenderly guides you into her lap and kisses you with the passion of a hundred waterfalls, and you can't help but drown in her. You lose all inhibition and press your body so close to hers you could swear she's already inside you. Her rough hands are everywhere and they burn your skin in the way only she can. A pleasant sensation that hurts like heaven.

You don't know or care when you ended up on your back, or when the last barriers of clothing were removed, but you feel so good, and she feels so right against you. She whispers the sweetest words and she makes you feel beautiful. She makes you feel wanted and cared for.

You feel loved.

When she's stroking you and building you up to the point of breaking, you try to burn her image into your brain. You try not to blink, even though you can barely remember to breathe. Her body is lean and warm and her hair tickles you as she moves against you. The only sounds she makes now are from breathing a little harder, and you know she's in pain but she wants this as badly as you do. You're wrapped around her, holding on for dear life, even though you wish this would kill you.

You wish, with her final thrusts, that your climax could take your soul away so that you never have to live another moment not feeling as whole and complete as you do tonight in her arms.

You look into her black eyes as you come undone, and when she tells you she loves you for the first time, you already know.

* * *

You don't say anything for a while until she does. Basking in the afterglow. Dreading the darkness still to come.

"I could live like this," she says, holding you close.

"I could _die_ like this."

"Don't say that," she whispers sadly, kissing your head.

You sigh and burrow deeper into the curve of her neck. "But I mean it."

"I know."

She always knows.

"I can't stay here, Maura."

"I know."

After that, you're sure her next words are to be some form of a good-bye, but you don't want to hear that.

"Run away with me."

You stop your movements on her stomach and look up at her. You hope she's not joking because your heart's on your sleeve. No, it's in her hands when you say, "Give me five minutes to pack."

"Yeah? You'll come with me?"

You sit up and hold the sheet against your chest. "I'd follow you anywhere."

She sits up too, but lets the sheet slide right down. "I- I don't have it all planned out or anything. I've just been saving up a bit to get a place in another Town while I look for work."

"I have $358 saved up and I could get a job too. I'll even get two. I don't care, as long as I'm with you. We could even stay in a cave for all I care. Please, Jane. Don't leave me."

She looks at you like you're crazy. Though she doesn't ask you where you got the money from or how you plan on getting anyone with eyes to hire you. Instead she asks and answers her own question.

"How could I, Maur? I love you so much."

"I love you." You hug her. "So much."

You both tell each other you love each other for the first time and the sky falls down.

"You lying thief! I knew I'd find you here."

You both turn to the voice from the doorway and you panic.

"Mom!"

"You better get your daughter out of here now, Frank! Or I'll shoot her myself."

She panics too when he walks in after your mother. They must have met up at the bar again.

"Pop!"

"Don't Pop me! I won't have a filthy dyke going around tainting the Rizzoli name. Tonight, I'm gonna finish what I started."

He pulls her by her hair and throws her on the floor and all you can do is scream helplessly.

"No! Jane!"

You hear and almost feel it when he punches her in the ribs he's broken time and time again.

You scream for him to stop but your mother holds you back, pulling your hair. You fall backwards and land on the floor just as her father knocks her down. You fight your mother off to crawl in _her_ direction, screaming and begging her to fight back, and he kicks her over and over until he's grunting and sweating with the effort.

You start crying again and you try not to blink so you can see if she's still breathing.

"Jane!"

He stops to take a breath and you immediately cover her with your body. You don't care that you're exposed because the love of your life is bleeding her life out onto your carpet. You cradle her head. You warn him to stop or he'll kill her, and then you're staring down the barrel of his gun.

"I put her into this world. And I'll take her out. Now move, sinner."

You're not afraid. If he wants to kill her, he may as well kill you first, because there's no way you're going to move aside and watch the love of your life die.

You can't live without her, so she won't die alone.

That's when you realize the room is abnormally warm and you smell smoke.

He must have knocked the lamp over when he threw her.

You gulp. No, not fire. Not again.

You flashback to your six-year old self getting engulfed by flames after your mother carelessly flicks a cigarette in the kitchen after letting the gas stove run.

"Look what you've done, Frank! Get outta my damn house! Now!"

You hear them argue and scramble to leave but you're not going anywhere without her.

"Maura! Don't just sit there! Help me put this out!"

You ignore the screams, but when the girl in your arms lightly coughs it's as loud as the beat of your own heart in your ears. You wish you were as strong as her. You wish you could carry her outside, but moving her would only hurt her more. She tries to speak but she can only manage to keep her eyes open a few seconds at a time.

"Jane, please."

You cry, begging her to live. Begging her to leave and spare herself the pain of breathing. Begging her to hang on. Begging her to drag you down with her.

The flames spread too quickly and before you know it, you're both alone in a burning house.

"I'm sorry," she mouths and you shake your head.

"Shh… It's okay. I love you."

You feel dizzy and know you've inhaled so much smoke. You're coughing and sweating and the heat stings but you focus on her while she focuses on you.

Her last breath. Is to say she loves you more. And your heart dies with her.

Her eyes stay open, but you know her soul is waiting for you on the other side.

You hold her till the end.

You don't blink.

Because you know when you do close your eyes, it's for the last time.

"_I'd follow you anywhere."_

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**A/N:** Inspired by Tracy Chapman's _Fast Car_ and Death Cab For Cutie's _I'll Follow You Into the Dark_. Reviews are Love.


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